El Cap Report 06/13/07

ElCap Report 6/13/07

 By Tom Evans

Yo... kinda hot here today with a nice breeze down here at the bridge.. this report comes to you from a bag of grapes that Micah and Matt brought down today after sending Free Rider... Seems this is the one ElCap Route that the lads have a good chance to free if they put some honest effort into it.. Without any further adieu... here's the ElCap Report..

El Cap Report 06/12/07

ElCap Report 6/12/07

 By Tom Evans

Ok ... so it is Tuesday and there isn’t much you can do about that... still a long way until the weekend and there you are wishing and hoping for some relief... some inspiration that will pick up that flagging spirit of yours... just a few words to let you know that it is really all right and that you are going to make it... well call your grandmother because all you are going to get here is the unvarnished, uncensored (although some have tried), ugly truth... or maybe you got lucky and the truth is a wonderful reflection of your heroic inner being ... the one that rose above the petty existence you lead and made you a hero in everyone’s eyes, most probably... you just got lucky!! Anyway here it is straight from the bottom of the two Blue Barrels that are being hauled up the first few pitches of the Trip as I type these lines... Today’s ElCap Report... direct from the shade of the east side of the Bridge of fame and the walk of shame....


El Cap Report 06/11/07

ElCap Report 6/11/07

 By Tom Evans

Yo.. well here it is Monday again and you have just had a bad day at the job and are looking for a little distraction... so unbutton that collar, kick off the shoes and loosen the too tight belt... get a cold one and flop down in your favorite chair next to the computer because here it comes... straight from Ranon and Amee who just rapped the Salathe/Free Rider with the report so you could have a few moments of entertainment in an otherwise forgetful day... from the Aquarian to the top of peanut ledge on Zodiac comes today’s report....

El Cap Report 06/10/07

ElCap Report 6/10/07

 By Tom Evans

Yo... well you better not blink or you will miss the shortest report of the series... brought to you from Ricardo's BMW heading for home today back to the big city after a weekend in the Ditch for some fresh air and a little climbing... thanks R..

El Cap Report 06/09/07

ElCap Report 6/9/07

 By Tom Evans

Yo... Here it comes... the line of sight report... not some cheesy 2nd hand account in some advertising rag posing as a climbing mag two months after tthe events... nope... right from the heart of the Bridge at the gates of big wall heaven.. the ElCap Bridge. Brought to you today wrapped in the extremely nasty pair of shocks that Cedar Wright wore on yesterdays send of Free Rider with Nick.. man those are some god awful hunks of fabric... I CAN SMELL'EM NOW! The weather here today.... PERFECT.. The Captain... NEARLY EMPTY ... climbers on the big stone... mostly POSERS doing tricks for the cameras... the Bridge, calm and cool... even Ricardo and his better half hung out today, bringing food and drink and HOMEMADE BROWNIES.. not those kind of brownies.. So here it is, totally unedited, uncensored, grammatically incorrect with turible spelin, today's ElCap Report...


El Cap Report 06/08/07

ElCap Report 6/8/07

 By Tom Evans

Yo... have to be somewhere else in 15 minutes so this is short...

Zodiac.. someone on the direct start... also the two guys from yesterday who topped out with no rain fly... they had a rain fly and they are Brits, Oli and Chris... they make a hammerless ascent too.. nice work.. they came by for beers and socializing this afternoon...


SSPO: Ragan made it off I think this afternoon... saw him at the last pitch at 11am... sweet!


El Cap Report 06/07/07

ElCap Report 6/7/07

 By Tom Evans

Yo... Thursday here and this will be just enough to get you to the weekend so you can work on some projects of your own.. today the report comes direct from the water bottle that someone dropped today from Sus Le Toit ledge about 3 in the afternoon... Was that you Timmy? So flop down wherever you are and forget whatever it was that you were supposed to be doing and take 4 minutes for yourself to stay in touch with all the doings on the Cap from the Roof of the Salathe to the last pitch of Zodiac.. here it is ... Today’s ElCap Report.


El Cap Report 06/06/07

ElCap Report 6/6/07

 By Tom Evans

Yo... yeah I know that you have been patiently waiting to read this report... you have nothing better to do than sit there and refresh the site every five minutes in hopes it is there.. well here it comes... on the horns of one Bullwinkle who was hanging at the bridge this afternoon and volunteered to gallop up the south side trail back to my ISP so you could get it in time ... thanks to the "Dean"... you can put that raingear away for this one but keep that puffy jacket close at hand and you will be wearing socks too... It was a day marked by a strong, chilly, west wind and a lot of puffy white clouds moving across a broken blue sky at a good clip... where is global warming when you really need it?! So here it comes ... from Heartbreak Hotel to the Sharks Fin...Today'sElCap Report for 6/6/07 a date that will live in honor of thousands of men who died on "D Day" in WWII.. they died so we can live free.

El Cap Report 06/05/07

ElCap Report 6/5/07

By Tom Evans

Yo... grab your raingear and get your bailing bucket out of the trunk because you are going to be floating down the river of tears today as the bailers bailed and the hard men continued undeterred... yes.. it rained on the Cap today.... impossible you say?? Yes, it is true that I predicted it would not rain but just blow over... well guess what rodents??? I was wrong!!! Read the Disclaimer!!!  The day started out cloudy and cool with some wind and it got colder and colder and the wind picked up a bunch... the Bridgies were dressed for the cold... Eric, Cedar, Aaron, Matt, and yours truly started off the day with a nice bottle of wine, complements of Cedar and after a time Ottawa Doug rolled up with the chips, gin and tonics, cobras etc. We also had The "Dean" of photography, show and climbers fresh off the Cap, Arnout, Stephanie (recently freed free rider) Stephane (also freed free rider roped solo), DT and Mom, BW Kate with her new dancing shoes on and Kyle just off a forced bivy on higher spire... Several other just off the wall teams stopped by to bask in the glory too....well the deluge started around 1:30 and we retired to the trees next to the bridge and remained quite dry... the Cap was a different matter with high wind and driving rain for a few hours... here at the bridge we felt badly for our suffering brothers and sisters on the Big Stone so we partied even harder to make up for their absence! So here it is brought to you by Surfer Bob riding the storm surge down the mighty Merced to my ISP... thanks Bob!!


El Cap Report 06/04/07

ElCap Report 6/4/07

 By Tom Evans

Yo... All right it is the worst day of the work week... work week? Oh yeah, that’s that thing about spending your time trying to get some $$$ so you can live way above the standard you could be living... and spending all week doing it?? Man.. Don’t think I could do that again... retirement you know... every day is a Saturday for me!! So I have time to sit on the veranda of the Heartbreak Hotel high on ElCap and watch the O'Neil gong show roll their way up the face... good fun... so here it comes direct from Dave Turners mom who showed up last night and wanted to drive it to the ISP in her old Mercedes... the one smoking up the valley... so here it is all the delights and debacles.. the good and the bad and everything in between...Today's ElCap Report.

El Cap Report 06/03/07

ElCap Report 6/3/07

 By Tom Evans

Ok here it comes... I fixed a zip line down from Heartbreak Hotels east deck all the way down to the Bridge railing... so I just grabbed the T bar and went down for the ride of a lifetime... landed at the bridge to find that, Scott Stowe, had taken "My Parking Spot" on the SW corner of the bridge even though he could have used many others... thus I had to shoot in the wind today and that means that a lot of nice climbers will have blurry pictures of themselves .... thanks a lot Scott!!! If you see the man tell him to give us all a break!!!   Actually the pics came out fine and Scott can park anywhere he wants :)  Direct from a vulture to the ISP comes today’s report with the dirt and the dis on all the danglers and manglers on the Big Stone... So drop that slightly used rack that you went out with today and wash those smelly, climbing shoe stains off your feet ... because you want to be clean and not sober to take in the full impact of the news... Today's ElCap Report...

El Cap Report 06/02/07

ElCap Report 6/2/07
By Tom Evans
It’s Friday ... or so they tell me so the rooms at the Heartbreak Hotel are filling rapidly for the weekend and I got down the fixed lines early today in hopes of getting my usual parking space by the Bridge to adventure... got it!! Settled in early with Lance, KFC, Bailer but they left to go do a push on the Zodiac... tons of climbers came by this afternoon and Ottawa Doug is still basking in the glory and is thinking of pitching his family/home and moving onto the east end of the bridge... we had quite a time today.. so much so that I hardly had time to do any shooting!!  Even though you are going out this weekend for some fun remember that your punk existence pales when stacked against the big wallers here on the big stone... so loosen up, listen up, brew up because straight from a shit bag dropped from high on the Cap comes today’s ElCap Report...

El Cap Report 06/01/07

ElCap Report 6/1/0

By Tom Evans 

Yo .. park your butt and turn off that cell phone and get ready for the real dealings from the center of the Ditch... that is of course the ElCap Bridge... the place of fame and the walk of shame... so, coming fresh to you from the Salathe's Ear to Zodiacs Nipple on the wing of our resident Mallard, Maynard (with his lovely lady Minnie close at his side) is today’s report .... approved by the Heads at the Heartbreak Hotel... today's ElCap Report...

El Cap Report 05/31/07

ElCap Report 5/31/07

By Tom Evans

Yo... here it comes... right on target, dropped by a B-2 bomber on a laser guided bomb so it can’t miss... Today’s ElCap Report. Skipping the long intro today in favor of the BIG NEWS OUT OF THE VALLEY TODAY... Rob Miller and Justing Sjong did indeed free the freeable Muir and even added a few nicer pitches to the route than the old "Shaft" route... they are calling it PreMuir and I was fortunate to be able to shoot them over the past 2 and 1/2 years they have worked on it on and off... you can guess that the lads were quite happy to have finally put it together in a 7 day ascent... Rob spent some of the day hanging at the Bridge and talking about the good time they had on the route... neither he nor Justin looked at all "worked"... Now to the other news from deep in the ditch...Today's ElCap Report...


El Cap Report 05/30/07

ElCap Report 5/30/07

By Tom Evans

Ok... dig out your rain gear, get that bailers topo out, and hunker down under that rain fly because fresh from the base of the Blast comes all the dirt and delight brought to you by a Peregrine falcon right here from the deck of the Heartbreak Hotels best suite. I have the eyes and ears of an eagle and you can't slide that BS story by me... so here it is straight from the Deck of the Ditch... the epicenter of the center of the big walling scene here in Yosemite... the ElCap Report for today.

El Cap Report 05/29/07

ElCap Report 5/29/07 By Tom Evans

Yo... here it comes straight to you via a low pass by Chuck Yeager in the Bell X-1 at Mach 1.05... I rapped off Heartbreak hotel today to find that some guys had taken my spot at the bridge and that threw a snag into the days shooting as I need the van to block the wind... but I made do... so pack your imaginary haul bags and get your gear racked and head out onto the greatest big wall climbing in the solar system this side of Neptune... remember I am the hard eye of honesty, coldly looking at the rock with a remorseless gaze... you can't fake me bro and the dirt flies if you even try... Thanks Chuck for your faster than sound delivery of the dirt and the delights fresh from the epicenter of the center of the big wall climbers dreams...  Today's ElCap Report....


El Cap Report 05/28/07

ElCap Report 5/28/07

 By Tom Evans

Yo... This morning I came down the invisible lines from Heartbreak Hotel.   I slid down to man my station as the gate keeper at the gate of adventure.  Another great day here at the epicenter of the center of the climbing universe in Yosemite... lots to report today... big sends... big bails ... and of course big flails... so throw that rack back into he closet because your little vacation is now over and you have to rely on Ansel Evans for all your big wall vicarious thrills and I've got the dope right from the center of the ditch itself... from the nipple pitch that you just dream about hugging, to the triangular roof high on the Dihedral wall... here it comes... unfiltered, not spell checked or grammatically correct.... you have to figure out the botched parts.. a good mental workout so you won't get Old Timers disease like I have!!

Today's ElCap Report.....


El Cap Report 05/27/07

ElCap Report 5/27/07

 By Tom Evan

s Yo... a little late posting this one as the Valley was a Zoo yesterday with huge traffic volume ... but here it is fresh from the pack of a hitch hiker I sent out as the van couldn't be moved in the traffic... your man here on a windy warm day with all the action from the cap.. we had the bails and the flails today and some "walk of shames" too. We had some expeditions backing their bags and hauling their shit up fixed lines and down from the top...So direct from the Dihedrals' Black cave to Zodiacs' Dead End ledge... here it comes... the ElCap Report..


El Cap Report 05/26/07

ElCap Report 5/26/07
 By Tom Evan
s Yo.... loosen your tie, take your jacket off, go to the fridge and get a cold one... the time has come to escape your pitiful daily struggle for the legal tender... let your imagination take you away like a bath in a tub full of Calgon Bubbles... straight from the Ditch comes the dirt for today... brought to you from an RPG fired from the bridge at a low passing commie satellite.... the news from "The Ledge" on the Dihedral to the Bolt Ladder on Zodiac....

El Cap Report 05/25/07

ElCap Report 5/25/07

 By Tom Evans

Yo... kick back, take off the shoes, flop down after a hard day at work, escape to the Valley for a few moments, hang with gang at the epicenter of the center of Yosemite big wall climbing here at the ElCap Bridge. Relax, your man Ansel is here at the scene actually viewing the action directly, no web cam crap here Bro!!! I cover it all... the sailors, the flailers, and the bailers... don't try to pass that story you made up off on me ... I know the real deal and am not afraid to squeal.... Here it comes.... direct from a hat dropped off ElCap tower and floated on the wind to you... The ElCap Report for another great day in the Valley of many great days... from Zodiac to the Salathe...


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