El Cap Report 05/31/08

ElCap Report 5/31/08

By Tom Evans

Yo.. Ok you made it to the Report, so now all you have to do is read it and figure out what is really going on. I will attempt to derail you with typos, bad grammar, poor spelling, and references to "insiders and local situations". If you understand everything they you can consider yourself a "local". Word has filtered through that various records are going to be attempted to be broken. Remember that all records will be reviewed and evaluated by the Bridge Rats Record Committee of which I am the chairman with the only vote! The attempt will be measured against stringent standards that have been arbitrarily set by me! Also be aware that any slander, past, present or even anticipated, directed at the committee or its worthy chairman will be utilized in evaluating your request for a record authentication!! With that thought in mind here is today's report brought you in the sweet 4WD van of Mike Ousley... So splash some water on your face and pinch your cheeks and pay attention because I'm not going to write this twice. Today’s Report

El Cap Report 05/30/08

Yo.. worker rats on the treadmill of consumerism... you missed another good one here in the Ditch. Sunny skies, cool temps, mild breezes here at the bridge. Up on the Big Stone the climbers were raging! All the way from the East Butt to Lurking Fear the routes are filling up... we counted 18 parties we could see and that didn't include anything "out West". So it takes a man at the scene who knows the rock and what is important on each route, and not some wantabe bridge rat who gets all his dope from the shuttlebus driver who talked to the bus boy in the cafe after he overheard a cafe rat after a Joint Chiefs of Staff meeting at the Office. You have come to the home of information and misinformation. Brought to you today by my man Erik "Nanook" Sloan, who took some time today to hang at the bridge and go over how to post pictures on the report. This will add to your enjoyment of the report and serve as a more factual accounting of my gross extrapolations! Remember I am in command of the gateway to adventure. So without further fanfare... hang on tight, cinch up your harness, tie in tight because you are in for a rough ride on the Captain itself....

El Cap Report 05/29/08

ElCap Report 5/29/08

By Tom Evans

Yo... yeah that's right... the weather has broken for the better and they say for 10 days no less. So as you can imagine there was a rush to the base of the Cap and fistfights broke out on Sickle Ledge for position in line. Beautiful, cool, sunny weather with a nice breeze to sway the tall pines. Had a good time at the bridge today as some of the regulars hung out and a few "new" regulars too. Today’s report is brought to you by the cute young hottie who asked if she could look through my camera after I had told some other Tourons it was off limits.... "of course my dear, what would you like to see?" I responded! So kick it back, knock it down, hang it out because here is the news of the day straight from the Captain himself..

El Cap Report 05/28/08

Yo....Ok... it poured buckets last night, washing out the dreams and aspirations of many a climbing team. Still unstable weather in the Valley of Light. In spite of all the rain several teams hit the wall climbing and are continuing in the rain. The SE Face is seeing all the action at the moment. Around 2 pm today a big cell burst upon the ElCap area and the bridge rats blew out of here like shit from a goose. So be warned... if you have plans then make adjustments... be sure to bring some bubble bath, rubber duckies, and a shower cap cause you will need them

El Cap Report 05/27/08

Yo.. still the weather threatens here in the valley. Some teams are just going up anyway, especially those on the SE Face of the Captain. I know you have heard various reports of things going on ... the Cap generates a lot of talk and some of it is not quite accurate. So what do you do to find the real dope on all the dopes on the wall? That’s right pukes, you wait for the ElCap report so you can get the real stuff, not second hand information from some puff daddy cafe rat.

El Cap Report 05/26/08

Ok.. I'm back. Was gone a couple days when my girlfriend Mara, Queen of the Bridge, suffered a heart attack. Fortunately there was no real damage done and we went to Modesto to get her about 12,000 tests. Most were good and not to worry.. the grill has its commander back today! Still wet weather here and the rats have swarmed inside to the warmth and protection of the Cafe, where much leering at attractive members of the opposite sex was taking place along with a healthy dose of slander directed toward all not present and some that were. I managed to extricate myself and head for the bridge before things got too physical between James and Lucho who were fighting over a swooped half eaten piece of toast.

El Cap Report 05/24/08

ElCap Report 5/24/08

By Tom Evans

Man the life boats!! Screw the women and children, its every man for himself!! Total rain soaking here today.. low clouds.. every one is holding up in the Cafe. I expect some of my more creative “cafe rats” to write a ElCafe report from there sometime today. Fortunately the wall emptied out yesterday with several top-outs and fixers delaying the start of new projects. I didn't go down to the Captain today, as I have a feeling I wouldn’t be able to see it anyway, as the clouds are just off the deck here today.

El Cap Report 05/23/08

ElCap Report 5/23/08
By Tom Evans

Break out the Gortex, head for the Cafe, get the laundry done, catch up on your email... rain in the valley today but not steady. The Cap cleared off like the rats off the Titanic! The bridge was cold and damp today. Folks wandered through on the way to hiking loads to the base of the Cap. Good day for that! There was a team on the nose hauling to the top of Sickle. The other teams all bailed including the AAC belay testing unit. All down safely. All the teams near the top yesterday made the top and all are down save the Brits who are staying on Long ledge on the Salathe for some reason.

El Cap Report 05/22/08

Break out your jackets, gloves and a warm hat... we are living the varied weather patterns of Yosemite. The night was cold and the day was pretty chilly too. Funny how I almost died just a few days ago in the heat and today folks were bailing from the Captain because they were too cold. Let that be a lesson to you. Be ready for anything, at all times. It was really windy in the valley today and at the bridge too, as the wind blew from the east, as it rarely does here. I got down to the Bridge around 10:30 and did a sweep of the face to see who was up and who was down. So without further delay here it comes to you straight from Eric's, the construction foreman, pickup truck. The road opens at noon tomorrow.. let the traffic jam begin!

El Cap Report 05/21/08

I had a project in the morning and am sick this afternoon and just back from the clinic so I will not be able to get down to the bridge today. Hopefully tomorrow...
Weather broke today and it is very nice and cool.. rats just a few days too late for me. Did see PTPP at his digs a while ago and he is taking junk to SSPO.
Sorry no more... will try to finish my other "Walk of shame" post later...
Out of here…. TME

El Cap Report 05/20/08

Ok computer rodents... it is time again for The Bridge Rat to report on the happenings as seen from the most famous structure in all of the universe... Nice day today.. a little warm still... weather reports indicate that it will be 76 or 93 tomorrow... wish they would get together sometime and find the real deal. Nice at the bridge with a lot of monkeys and some hiking Tourons passing by. So settle down varmints, kick the dog out of your chair, tell the old lady to stuff a sock in it.. tie in and hold on... brought to you today on the back deck of the road stripe painter that worked on the bridge deck today...

El Cap Report 05/19/08

Yo... a little cooler today here at the bridge but still pretty hot up there on the wall. I have an early dinner with my monkey posse in a bit so I will shift right to the action.

Zodiac: The team of 3 continued into the circle today and will most likely stay at the start to the Nipple pitch tonight.

Lost In America: The Belgian team pushed higher today and are at the start of the mandatory free climbing this evening.

Trip: The Three man team (not two as reported yesterday) pushed over the top and came by the bridge today. They looked pretty good after the ordeal.
Lower down a well dressed team of two with red shirts climbed to the end of the 4th today as I left. Will shoot a lot of them due to their colors.

El Cap Report 05/18/08

Yo... put on your sunglasses and settle back with a cool one because most likely where ever you are it is cooler than it is here. The weather these past days has been blazing hot. Parties are wisely delaying starting or have fixed and come down for the duration of the hot spell. Valley temps are in the 90's on the floor and there is little wind up higher. If you have some time please consider a few days off. Tuesday it is supposed to dip back into the seasonal 70's. We sought shelter in the shade of the east side of the ElCap Bridge to watch what action there was up on the wall in sweltering conditions. The river is really high and flowing fast ... the falls are busting big time.

El Cap Report 05/17/08

Ordeal in the Sun 
 By Tom Evans 
In a weak moment, I decided to take my friend, Dave Turner, up on his offer to take me up El Capitan, one of the greatest rock faces in the world and the centerpiece of climbing in Yosemite National Park. My fate was sealed as others conspired to make sure it happened, in the hope, no doubt, that I would be smacked down hard by the Captain himself. Unfortunately, Dave had his C rack of gear here, the better one’s being down in South America. So we had to borrow some stuff and thanks to SAR Andy I got to use his double portaledge. Thanks Andy! I dragged out my "old climbing gear" to make up the difference in hardware. As we organized gear in the parking lot, an assortment of friends wandered up to watch the sort out. Amazement soon spread as people got to see stuff not used by climbers in years and barely modern. Some even photographed the proceedings! By noon Thursday we were down at the Cap hiking to be base of Lurking Fear. Brazilian Nick and Dave did the heavy lifting as phase one was to get our stuff to the base of the climb. The odds of me even making it to the base were running 3 to 2 against by the Bridge rats, hoping to get a chance to slander the slanderer! However, the hike went well and I did indeed make it to the base.

El Cap Report 05/13/08

Yo... very nice day here. Quiet and sunny and warm. The road paving keeps moving relentlessly onward. I was a little late getting down to the bridge this morning but got the straight dope for your inquiring minds. Brought to you on Nicki's aching back from hauling loads all around the place. Tie in and pay attention as I'm not going to go thru this twice!
Today’s report... right now... in your face... hopefully you can read...

Zodiac: The team of two that was bivied on peanut last night went over the top at 1:30 this afternoon.
The team of three in the white circle yesterday bailed from there today.
Steve and Heather were not around today.

El Cap Report 05/12/08

Settle down rodents... you probably still have that buzz on from the Cafe report this morning... you know the Cafe is where things really happen and the day is organized. All the loners and stoners spend way too much time there...

El Cap Report 05/11/08

Yo... all right... inquiring minds want to know... others just want vicarious entertainment at the expense of others. This report is brought to you by Bob and Chris just in from Montana and bearing the promised Cobras to the bridge this afternoon.

El Cap Report 05/10/08

Yo... settle down!! Dig in.. get ready... you wanted it... but can you handle it? Direct from the most important structure in the climbing world, the Elcap Bridge... brought to you on the backs of Ian and Josh (you remember these guys from last year... they had the most ingenious ways of dodging the walk of shame!).
I rolled in Thursday evening and took yesterday off to get some things done and hang out with Mara.

El Cap Report 10/30/07

ElCap Report 10/30/07

 By Tom Evans

Well... it did pound pretty hard last night but when I arrived at the bridge today all the teams were moving upward with little apparent trouble. They are calling for severely sunny skies for a while so it is still on if you are still on it! Today’s ElCap Report is brought to you by Ted, of recent ZM fame who stopped by early in the afternoon with the Last Beers of The Season!! Thanks Bro!!

El Cap Report 10/29/07

ElCap Report 10/29/07

 By Tom Evans

Ok... its Monday and I am still holding on here in the Valley... got to the cafe this morning and Ivo told me the weather was going to cave in this afternoon... Balderdash! Bull shit!! I can see the sky for myself and things looked good... well.... anyway.... around 1:30 pm this very dark cloud filled the sky and several long peels of thunder reverberated around the valley and I ran for the van! It looks nasty out there folks. I have retreated to the comfort of my cave behind the Maintenance garage to write this report... At 10am I arrived at the bridge and found the cliff to be in good shape with no visible water on it and various teams headed upward... So here it is for today, the ECR brought to you by the little old lady Touron who sneered at me when I told her that climbs on the rock often take 3 to 5 days.... "you're a liar" she said to my face and walked off!! So much for the ElCap Bridge moto.."treat all Tourons as if they are your friends".

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