El Cap Report 06/20/08

ElCap Report 6/20/08

 By Tom Evans

Yo. Was it nice today or what? A lovely day with a nice breeze and clear skies. There was some activity on the wall to keep track of and Tourons to explain things to. Sadly, some of the bridge rats have taken to giving out stupid answers to Touron questions. Stuff like…”The park service puts the portaledges up on the climbs for you if you call in for reservations.” It was kind of funny at first but it just makes things harder for me, as I have to explain that the rats are just joking around… after a time it gets Very old. Plus some of the rats have very limited vocabularies and make use of vulgarities even with children around. Not good. Also the rap music with the “progressive lyrics” is not so enjoyable to most people who come by. So if you happen by please try not to be offensive in manner and speech. Today, however, the Colorado Girls, Joy and Sarah were down here and were talking to the Tourons about their recent climb up the Nose. They were really sweet, answering all the questions with honest, straightforward answers. Thanks girls!!

El Cap Report 06/19/08

ElCap Report 6/19/08

By Tom Evans

Yo… yes it was warm on the wall today but not THAT warm. The air was sweet until around noon when the west wind brought some of that, thick as mud, air up from the valleys to the west. The action was limited with Ottawa Doug doing some heavy lifting. The Bridge was, as Bring Me Death Jake said, “Dead.” We had a nice quiet morning and a completely opposite afternoon with endless Tourons passing through. We did have a lot of climbers and ST posters wander in and out throughout the afternoon. All in all it was a pretty good day here. How was it where you live? Oh, you don’t know because you were nose to the grindstone all day working for Uncle Sam most of the time? Ok,we understand. Even a not so great day here is better than a pretty damn good day at work? Right? Right!!

El Cap Report 06/18/08

ElCap Report 6/18/08

By Tom Evans

Yo! Really nice today and not so hot. The bridge was jammed with all the slacker boys and a horde of Tourons too. Most of the traffic was on the Nose with no NIAD’s going on. The air was as clear as I have seen it all spring and several teams were moving toward the rock to start routes. The guys who fixed on the trip several days ago come down as did Team Celtics who started the Muir yesterday. Team Celtic was hit with rock fall from high on the wall as they slept on their ledges. One of the team was hit and injured but, fortunately, not seriously. There were no parties above them so the old Cap hucked some missiles down at random. Beware folks, that thing is alive and weathering all the time!

El Cap Report 06/17/08

ElCap Report 6/17/08

 By Tom Evans

Yo! Not to bad down here in the rats nest at the bridge today. I had the place to myself for most of the morning as the monkeys were doing other things. The day was a little on the warm side here and it was reflected in the number of parties on the Captain. Those on the Great Rock were moving nicely upward and I didn’t see anyone bailing, so it must have been pretty bearable. Today’s report is brought to you by the Colorado Girls husbands who came by in the afternoon for a look see at their wives and inquire as to their progress. So listen up Pukes and don’t think that you can get this stuff anywhere else, because there is only one man on the scene who is in the know…. That’s right... and you know that man is ....ECP’s. Many come seeking knowledge but few the price will pay. Even though your ignorance is profound I will take pity on you and allow you to read …… Today’s ElCap Report….

El Cap Report 06/16/08

ElCap Report 6/16/08

By Tom Evans

Yo.. Nice here today but a little on the hot side. The breeze was good here in the rats nest at the Bridge. All the usual suspects here today with a couple ST posters coming by to say hi and hang in the meadow. The action was brisk on the Nose route today and I will tell you more below in the body of the report. The report is brought to you today by Dave Turner who did a nice flip off the, across the river, slack line this afternoon. Today’s report follows:

El Cap Report 06/15/08

ElCap Report 6/15/08

By Tom Evans

Yo… A nice day here if a little on the warm side. The Great Rock is virtually empty at this time. So there was a lot of time to just sit around and talk and munch out. Lots of climbers were in and out. The Touron population was low. Several Tourons came by who had been at the show last night and said it was fun and informative too. I had some computer glitch that turned off the projector. I didn’t know what was up and was about to give up when it suddenly came back on again. Anyway I need to update it a bit as I am getting bored doing the same one over and over.

El Cap Report 06/14/08

ElCap Report 6/14/08

By Tom Evans

Yo! Another nice day here in the Yosemite Valley. The Touron population is kind of down at the moment. The Bridge was pretty quiet today. Some climbers came and went and few stayed a long time save Amanda, Lee’s fiancé. She stayed until the bitter end, way after I left around 2pm. I have a show at the lodge tonight so this will be brief. Today’s report is brought to you by the guys out west, battling it out in the blinding sun and heat, far from the cool breezes and shade of the rats nest here at the bridge. Today’s Report.

El Cap Report 06/13/08

ElCap Report 6/13/08

 By Tom Evans

Ok, rodents stuck in the ever speeding wheel of inflation. You made your measly bones for today, know they will buy less tomorrow than today. So cast away your gloom for a moment and come with me to the Valley of your dreams. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and imagine, if you will, that you are lounging in the shade of the giant pines here on the east end of the ElCap Bridge. A cool wind is blowing across the swiftly moving waters of the Merced river and the Captain, himself, fills your entire view to the North. The company is the best because we are people just like you. Today the rock is almost empty of climbers and the projected heat wave has not materialized. Mara brought a ton of healthy food, enough to feed everyone who shows up. There are too many beers ( an oxymoron, of course) to be consumed. Beautiful women, and studly climbers, are all over the place. The Rangers are waving and smiling as they drive by! And where are you? Lost in a life of endless toil just to make the bills. Well don’t despair, we are having all the fun you are missing out on. So all is not lost! Today’s ElCap report is brought to you by the grossly swollen knee of Brad Barlage, just in yesterday from SLC, with a couple of weeks to waste here. He figured he might as well be here as anywhere else with a bad knee. Today’s ElCap report is right now, in your face, so read it and weep…


El Cap Report 06/12/08

ElCap Report 6/12/08

 By Tom Evans

Yo… Well it was a beautiful and ugly day all in one here at the bridge. The weather was wonderful and there were many climbers hanging out at the bridge. For a lot of the day we had a great time watching as new action unfolded on the Cap. However, around 1pm a young climber who had just fixed on the Trip came up to me very upset and told me he had seen a body, at the base of the face, of someone who had fallen off the cliff. I talked to him for a few moments and then called 911. Rangers were immediately dispatched to the scene and the lad was interviewed and the location of the body ascertained. You can imagine how we all felt here at the bridge. It was like someone had sucker punched you in the stomach. Speculation was rampant of course. The young climber was quite upset and somewhat confused as to exactly what he saw. Was it a climber, a base jumper, a hiker? No one knew of course and all sorts of theories were proposed. Fortunately our SAR and LEO’s are the best in the business and knowing that it was in their hands and that a full and through investigation would follow was, in a way, a relief. But for several hours it was a grim scene here.


El Cap Report 06/11/08

ElCap Report 6/11/08

 By Tom Evans

Yo… very nice day here today. Perfect weather once again. Unfortunately, there was little action on the Captain to keep the interest high. So most of the day was spend just hanging around in the shade and talking shit with other loungers. The Tourons were thick as ticks on a dogs ear. And, to compound the problem, one of our “newbee” Colorado lads, you know the one, was answering the dreaded Touron question, “Are there any climbers up there?” With “why yes there are!” Instead of “No, not at this time.” Thus making them stop in their tracks and start a little game of “explain to me everything you know about climbing and show me all the climbers on the rock through that wonderful telescope.” When the Tourons departed, the lad received a through tongue lashing in the proper way to deal with Tourons at the bridge. Next time his mouth will be duct taped closed and he will be tied to a nearby tree! Today’s report is brought to you by Amanda, Lee Cossey’s fiancé, who was nice enough to bring me some healthy food for lunch and faithfully stay to watch “her man” even though he was doing nothing but sitting on a ledge most of the afternoon. Today’s Report.


El Cap Report 06/10/08

 ElCap Report 6/10/08

By Tom Evans

Yo! Man this was one sweet day here in the big valley. The action has heated up on the Cap and the scene at the bridge was just all fun today. Since it is Tuesday the Touron population is down from the weekend. You have once again missed the perfect late spring day here. Temps…. Perfect…. Sky …. Clear…. The Cap… Brilliant… the Bridge rats… doing the bridge lieback all day! The beer was free, the food was free, the laughs were many. The Posse was in full force and there were loads of climbers just relaxing and having a good time. Hell, we even allowed the young Colorado climbers to hang with us, not to mention the heroes of recent ascents of the Cap who were here to try to extend their, “basking in the glory” time. Several have passed the usual one day limit on basking, but they continue to glow in victory anyway. As you probably know, if you are successful on ElCap you get a full day to receive congratulations and ego massage. But if you do the walk of shame then you get crap from everyone for two weeks.

El Cap Report 06/09/08

ElCap Report 6/9/08

By Tom Evans

Yo! SWEET DAY!!!! It really was folks. Perfect temps, clear skies, cool breezes. However the Captain was nearly empty! Yep that’s right, just a few teams of climbers in this perfect weather. Why you ask? Well most topped out yesterday and there are few up to replace them. The Bridge, however, was busy with people most of the day. Today’s report is brought to you by Zander, who came by with the Beer, and hung out for a long time watching the few climbers on the wall. So here it comes, direct from Dead Bird ledge on Zodiac to you… Today’s ElCap Report..

El Cap Report 06/08/08

ElCap Report 6/8/08

By Tom Evans

Alright, listen up desk jockeys and cubicle geeks… this is the shit from the main Bridge Rat here at the scene of the action on the Cap. Perfect day here with masses of climbers hanging out. I guess it is Sunday, as all the puff daddy café rats suddenly left from the café this morning around the time church starts! They all returned red eyed from singing those hymns and praying so hard, I suppose. Anyway, it was nice down at the bridge even though the action on the Captain was somewhat abbreviated. So here is the report for today brought to you by a couple of smoking hot climber girls from Santa Cruz who happened by after a climb to look through the scope. They didn’t stay long in spite of the efforts of Lucho, “the Lover“, and Dave, “the Bone“, Turner’s best efforts to entice them to remain.

El Cap Report 06/07/08

ElCap Report 6/7/08

By Tom Evans

Yo. Nice day here for a Saturday. Great weather, nice folks, heroes down from the Cap and not too many Tourons. Unfortunately the controlled burn was not quite out in Foresta and after noon the skies got kind of hazy. I have the show to get ready for tonight so this will be to the point. Brought to you today by Lori who worried all day yesterday about her man Tony and friend Clay and in the end it was all for naught. So here it comes direct as the Direct on the Dome, to you, now..

El Cap Report 06/06/08

ElCap Report 6/6/0

By Tom Evans

Ok… here it is …. I just got back from the exhibition of climbing photos and museum artifacts that Ken Yeager has put together. Nice little party to kick off the showing. Lots of climbers in evidence. Many of the “Old guys” were there too and it was nice for a “never was” striving to become a “has been” to get the chance to mingle with greatness. A good time was had by all…. Many thanks to Ken for putting on this event. A beautiful day at the bridge it was too. Perfect conditions brought out a lot of folks. The action on the Big Stone was good too.

El Cap Report 06/05/08

ElCap Report 6/5/08

 By Tom Evans

Yo.. Nice day here today, low winds and clear skies. Unfortunately, for me and the Tourons, the Park Service has decided this is a good day for a controlled burn and by noon the ElCap area was filled with smoke and thus the visibility so reduced that pics were impossible to take. So I left early. Today’s report is brought to you by Steve Muse and entourage, who were here at the bridge to take in the sweet taste of victory! Nice going gang.

El Cap Report 06/04/08

ELCap Report 6/4/08

 By Tom Evans

Yo… got up to partly cloudy skies and very cool temps with a strong west wind this morning. Low clouds were hanging off the Dome and Cathedrals. Went down to the bridge and of course found that “MY SPOT” was taken once again… I hate it when that happens. One would think that the head bridge rat could at least keep his parking place! Anyway a stiff wind was blowing across the deck, and it was all I could do to take a few shots against its tug. Wind is the dreaded enemy of the telephoto lens. The slightest push and the pic is trash. So I fought it all day. The place was empty and would stay that way for most of the day. It was cold and the Captain was marshalling its forces against the climbers who would dare. There were people in retreat, two parties from the Nose route. So I did what I could and hung in there until around 2:30pm when I had just had enough of the jostling about. Most of the teams were bundled up but moving upward.

El Cap Report 06/03/08

ElCap Report 6/3/08

By Tom Evans

Yo… geeeeezzzzeeee.. So much going on today. Lots of climbers on the major routes with the exception of the Nose. Perfect day most of the time with high clouds and comfortable temps. The bridge was deserted for half the day and then was so crowded that you could hardly find a place to stand. Mostly it was climbers but quite a few Tourons came by too. This report is brought to you today by Gene who was up from Modesto late in the day sporting a limp from a fall he took on the trail serving as a crash pad for Steve Muse! Anyway I have so many images to process tonight I may never get to bed so I figure I had better get this Report done now, so here it is!

El Cap Report 06/02/08

ElCap Report 6/02/08

By Tom Evans

Yo… very nice day here with warm temps and a nice breeze. The Nose was completely empty below Camp 5 and I assume anyone above got off today. The other routes were busy with the SE Face getting the bulk of the attention. So without further ado here is the report you have been waiting to read all day. It is brought to you by one, Dean Potter, who’s VW station wagon cut me off at the lodge this morning… the lad looked in a hurry, perhaps late for a Monday morning meeting of the Valley safety committee. Today’s ElCap report, in color, with all the slander you expect from the Sultan of Slander himself, ElCap-pics…

El Cap Report 06/01/08

ElCap Report 6/01/08

 By Tom Evans

Yo… lots of action on the Captain today with Tommy and Beth doing their thing. Photographers hanging all over the route shooting every move. Large crowd of meadow watchers too. I would have gone out west to see better myself but I had things to do at the Bridge. Things like shooting the many “regular” climbers on the routes of their choice. You see, those hot dog photographers aren’t interested in you my dedicated reader. Nope, they just want the bucks and the bucks come from the climbing rags. Do Jimmy, Corey, Heinz, Linc ever come down the ropes and shoot shots of you?? Huh? No? You know why? Because to them you are just some Puke not worthy of the effort. So who does get the shots of you when you are at your limit on the route of your life? Do the climbing rags have a little drink stand set up so when you come down to the Bridge jonesin for a beer you can get one? Do the equipment makers who want your bucks offer you a chair and an ear for your story of the climb you just busted your ass to get up?? Does 5.10 send you shoes anytime you need them or do you pay full cost for yours? Do any of these people give a rodents rectum if you live or die?!! No! Nada! Nope! Well, that’s why I was not shooting the elite, big time, heroes… because I, ElCap-pics, am the guy you can trust to care about your climbs and dreams. I am the man who hands you that CD with you doing the King Swing, Salathe roof, or the Nipple pitch on Zodiac. I enjoy giving you that cold beer, hanging out with you and hearing your story. I want you to succeed and if you don’t then you have someone to commensurate with. Oh, I may give you a little poke in the ego but you know I am there for you. Plus you get all the news direct from the Captain itself… Patagonia, North Face, Alpinist? Do they give you the straight dope from the scene? I don’t think so brother! So keep that in mind when you read today’s ElCap Report, brought to you by the survivors of the wedding party at Coilers last night.

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