ElCap Report 6/20/08

 By Tom Evans

Yo. Was it nice today or what? A lovely day with a nice breeze and clear skies. There was some activity on the wall to keep track of and Tourons to explain things to. Sadly, some of the bridge rats have taken to giving out stupid answers to Touron questions. Stuff like…”The park service puts the portaledges up on the climbs for you if you call in for reservations.” It was kind of funny at first but it just makes things harder for me, as I have to explain that the rats are just joking around… after a time it gets Very old. Plus some of the rats have very limited vocabularies and make use of vulgarities even with children around. Not good. Also the rap music with the “progressive lyrics” is not so enjoyable to most people who come by. So if you happen by please try not to be offensive in manner and speech. Today, however, the Colorado Girls, Joy and Sarah were down here and were talking to the Tourons about their recent climb up the Nose. They were really sweet, answering all the questions with honest, straightforward answers. Thanks girls!!

ElCap Report 6/19/08

By Tom Evans

Yo… yes it was warm on the wall today but not THAT warm. The air was sweet until around noon when the west wind brought some of that, thick as mud, air up from the valleys to the west. The action was limited with Ottawa Doug doing some heavy lifting. The Bridge was, as Bring Me Death Jake said, “Dead.” We had a nice quiet morning and a completely opposite afternoon with endless Tourons passing through. We did have a lot of climbers and ST posters wander in and out throughout the afternoon. All in all it was a pretty good day here. How was it where you live? Oh, you don’t know because you were nose to the grindstone all day working for Uncle Sam most of the time? Ok,we understand. Even a not so great day here is better than a pretty damn good day at work? Right? Right!!

ElCap Report 6/18/08

By Tom Evans

Yo! Really nice today and not so hot. The bridge was jammed with all the slacker boys and a horde of Tourons too. Most of the traffic was on the Nose with no NIAD’s going on. The air was as clear as I have seen it all spring and several teams were moving toward the rock to start routes. The guys who fixed on the trip several days ago come down as did Team Celtics who started the Muir yesterday. Team Celtic was hit with rock fall from high on the wall as they slept on their ledges. One of the team was hit and injured but, fortunately, not seriously. There were no parties above them so the old Cap hucked some missiles down at random. Beware folks, that thing is alive and weathering all the time!

ElCap Report 6/17/08

 By Tom Evans

Yo! Not to bad down here in the rats nest at the bridge today. I had the place to myself for most of the morning as the monkeys were doing other things. The day was a little on the warm side here and it was reflected in the number of parties on the Captain. Those on the Great Rock were moving nicely upward and I didn’t see anyone bailing, so it must have been pretty bearable. Today’s report is brought to you by the Colorado Girls husbands who came by in the afternoon for a look see at their wives and inquire as to their progress. So listen up Pukes and don’t think that you can get this stuff anywhere else, because there is only one man on the scene who is in the know…. That’s right... and you know that man is ....ECP’s. Many come seeking knowledge but few the price will pay. Even though your ignorance is profound I will take pity on you and allow you to read …… Today’s ElCap Report….

ElCap Report 6/16/08

By Tom Evans

Yo.. Nice here today but a little on the hot side. The breeze was good here in the rats nest at the Bridge. All the usual suspects here today with a couple ST posters coming by to say hi and hang in the meadow. The action was brisk on the Nose route today and I will tell you more below in the body of the report. The report is brought to you today by Dave Turner who did a nice flip off the, across the river, slack line this afternoon. Today’s report follows:

ElCap Report 6/15/08

By Tom Evans

Yo… A nice day here if a little on the warm side. The Great Rock is virtually empty at this time. So there was a lot of time to just sit around and talk and munch out. Lots of climbers were in and out. The Touron population was low. Several Tourons came by who had been at the show last night and said it was fun and informative too. I had some computer glitch that turned off the projector. I didn’t know what was up and was about to give up when it suddenly came back on again. Anyway I need to update it a bit as I am getting bored doing the same one over and over.

ElCap Report 6/14/08

By Tom Evans

Yo! Another nice day here in the Yosemite Valley. The Touron population is kind of down at the moment. The Bridge was pretty quiet today. Some climbers came and went and few stayed a long time save Amanda, Lee’s fiancé. She stayed until the bitter end, way after I left around 2pm. I have a show at the lodge tonight so this will be brief. Today’s report is brought to you by the guys out west, battling it out in the blinding sun and heat, far from the cool breezes and shade of the rats nest here at the bridge. Today’s Report.

ElCap Report 6/13/08

 By Tom Evans

Ok, rodents stuck in the ever speeding wheel of inflation. You made your measly bones for today, know they will buy less tomorrow than today. So cast away your gloom for a moment and come with me to the Valley of your dreams. Close your eyes, take a deep breath and imagine, if you will, that you are lounging in the shade of the giant pines here on the east end of the ElCap Bridge. A cool wind is blowing across the swiftly moving waters of the Merced river and the Captain, himself, fills your entire view to the North. The company is the best because we are people just like you. Today the rock is almost empty of climbers and the projected heat wave has not materialized. Mara brought a ton of healthy food, enough to feed everyone who shows up. There are too many beers ( an oxymoron, of course) to be consumed. Beautiful women, and studly climbers, are all over the place. The Rangers are waving and smiling as they drive by! And where are you? Lost in a life of endless toil just to make the bills. Well don’t despair, we are having all the fun you are missing out on. So all is not lost! Today’s ElCap report is brought to you by the grossly swollen knee of Brad Barlage, just in yesterday from SLC, with a couple of weeks to waste here. He figured he might as well be here as anywhere else with a bad knee. Today’s ElCap report is right now, in your face, so read it and weep…

ElCap Report 6/12/08

 By Tom Evans

Yo… Well it was a beautiful and ugly day all in one here at the bridge. The weather was wonderful and there were many climbers hanging out at the bridge. For a lot of the day we had a great time watching as new action unfolded on the Cap. However, around 1pm a young climber who had just fixed on the Trip came up to me very upset and told me he had seen a body, at the base of the face, of someone who had fallen off the cliff. I talked to him for a few moments and then called 911. Rangers were immediately dispatched to the scene and the lad was interviewed and the location of the body ascertained. You can imagine how we all felt here at the bridge. It was like someone had sucker punched you in the stomach. Speculation was rampant of course. The young climber was quite upset and somewhat confused as to exactly what he saw. Was it a climber, a base jumper, a hiker? No one knew of course and all sorts of theories were proposed. Fortunately our SAR and LEO’s are the best in the business and knowing that it was in their hands and that a full and through investigation would follow was, in a way, a relief. But for several hours it was a grim scene here.

ElCap Report 6/11/08

 By Tom Evans

Yo… very nice day here today. Perfect weather once again. Unfortunately, there was little action on the Captain to keep the interest high. So most of the day was spend just hanging around in the shade and talking shit with other loungers. The Tourons were thick as ticks on a dogs ear. And, to compound the problem, one of our “newbee” Colorado lads, you know the one, was answering the dreaded Touron question, “Are there any climbers up there?” With “why yes there are!” Instead of “No, not at this time.” Thus making them stop in their tracks and start a little game of “explain to me everything you know about climbing and show me all the climbers on the rock through that wonderful telescope.” When the Tourons departed, the lad received a through tongue lashing in the proper way to deal with Tourons at the bridge. Next time his mouth will be duct taped closed and he will be tied to a nearby tree! Today’s report is brought to you by Amanda, Lee Cossey’s fiancé, who was nice enough to bring me some healthy food for lunch and faithfully stay to watch “her man” even though he was doing nothing but sitting on a ledge most of the afternoon. Today’s Report.