ElCap Report 6/18/07

 By Tom Evans

Yo... you made it past another Monday and are feeling like the week is still a long dreary struggle... well suck it up dog because you still have a long way to go and I am here in the lap of luxury at the glory hole doing what you would kill to have a chance to do... make meaningless pronouncements about worthless events and have fun doing it... so here they come.. straight from the beat up Subaru of Lori’s that just barely made it to the valley today....so crash into that favorite chair of yours and let out a long sigh and a blast of air from the posterior vent... no one will know.... ok? So now you are ready for today’s ElCap Report

ElCap Report 6/17/07

 By Tom Evans

Yo... well now the weekend is over and you are jonesin for something to keep your interest for the rest of the day and the dismal week ahead... you are in luck my friends.... the weather is cooling down a bit and they are even talking about temps in the 70's tomorrow here in the center of the epicenter of the "Glory Hole", the ElCap Bridge.. So straight from the slackline set up down by the river, on the back of a poser who was flipped off and knocked silly, comes today’s ElCap Report... so throw down on that comfortable chair, clear your head, turn off your sense of decency and get ready to be in the shitt... here it comes without any clearance from anyone, or any caution by the writer.... Today’s ElCap Report

ElCap Report 6/16/07

 By Tom Evans

Yo... short and sweet today as I have a program to give at the lodge in a little while...

ElCap Report 6/15/07

By Tom Evans

Ok... you made it to Friday and you are going out the door for a weekend of fun... well take a moment to relax and read the report for today... simple task... easy to complete.. this one is brought to you from the 36 mpg car that Scott Stowe is driving to and from the valley daily... he came in today and his client bailed so he was stuck at the bridge... fortunately his much better half, Lori, graced us with her presence at lunch time... so we tolerated having him around!!! Anyway here it is for today... a day of big heat and little wind... get ready climbers and posers, summer conditions are here.... Today’s ElCap Report.

ElCap Report 6/14/0

7 By Tom Evans

Yo... if you think it is hot where you are then you had better have that thermometer recalibrated... smoking here in the valley with an absence of the usually cooling west wind... but the action is heating up on the Captain as the temp. rises.. so here it comes fresh to you from the bag that held the 12 beers that the "pink nose" teams parents brought us today at the bridge while they picked our brains for news of their daughter who is the woman wearing the pink shirt on the nose.. They didn’t know where the Nose was but we set them straight... very nice folks.. supposed to be cooler in the next few days...so relax .. tomorrow is Friday and that is close to the weekend so you can start weekending as soon as you finish reading today’s report from the epicenter of the center of the hub of big walling in the USA and probably the entire world, if not the solar system.... mmmm maybe even the galaxy.. or perhaps the Local group of galaxies... anyway there it is.... The ElCap Report for this day

ElCap Report 6/13/07

 By Tom Evans

Yo... kinda hot here today with a nice breeze down here at the bridge.. this report comes to you from a bag of grapes that Micah and Matt brought down today after sending Free Rider... Seems this is the one ElCap Route that the lads have a good chance to free if they put some honest effort into it.. Without any further adieu... here's the ElCap Report..

ElCap Report 6/12/07

 By Tom Evans

Ok ... so it is Tuesday and there isn’t much you can do about that... still a long way until the weekend and there you are wishing and hoping for some relief... some inspiration that will pick up that flagging spirit of yours... just a few words to let you know that it is really all right and that you are going to make it... well call your grandmother because all you are going to get here is the unvarnished, uncensored (although some have tried), ugly truth... or maybe you got lucky and the truth is a wonderful reflection of your heroic inner being ... the one that rose above the petty existence you lead and made you a hero in everyone’s eyes, most probably... you just got lucky!! Anyway here it is straight from the bottom of the two Blue Barrels that are being hauled up the first few pitches of the Trip as I type these lines... Today’s ElCap Report... direct from the shade of the east side of the Bridge of fame and the walk of shame....

ElCap Report 6/11/07

 By Tom Evans

Yo.. well here it is Monday again and you have just had a bad day at the job and are looking for a little distraction... so unbutton that collar, kick off the shoes and loosen the too tight belt... get a cold one and flop down in your favorite chair next to the computer because here it comes... straight from Ranon and Amee who just rapped the Salathe/Free Rider with the report so you could have a few moments of entertainment in an otherwise forgetful day... from the Aquarian to the top of peanut ledge on Zodiac comes today’s report....

ElCap Report 6/10/07

 By Tom Evans

Yo... well you better not blink or you will miss the shortest report of the series... brought to you from Ricardo's BMW heading for home today back to the big city after a weekend in the Ditch for some fresh air and a little climbing... thanks R..

ElCap Report 6/9/07

 By Tom Evans

Yo... Here it comes... the line of sight report... not some cheesy 2nd hand account in some advertising rag posing as a climbing mag two months after tthe events... nope... right from the heart of the Bridge at the gates of big wall heaven.. the ElCap Bridge. Brought to you today wrapped in the extremely nasty pair of shocks that Cedar Wright wore on yesterdays send of Free Rider with Nick.. man those are some god awful hunks of fabric... I CAN SMELL'EM NOW! The weather here today.... PERFECT.. The Captain... NEARLY EMPTY ... climbers on the big stone... mostly POSERS doing tricks for the cameras... the Bridge, calm and cool... even Ricardo and his better half hung out today, bringing food and drink and HOMEMADE BROWNIES.. not those kind of brownies.. So here it is, totally unedited, uncensored, grammatically incorrect with turible spelin, today's ElCap Report...